Who is on Your “Easy Team”?

In our support groups we often talk about home health aides, companions, etc. This kind of help is very important but often difficult to figure out. But at a recent caregivers’ support group another kind of help was discussed that is fairly easy to arrange and worth doing.

It is not unusual to hear from caregivers that, in addition to all the difficult symptoms, hands on care, dealing with finances, hiring aides, etc., they can feel overwhelmed by the amount of attention their loved one needs and sometimes frankly, demands. One group member’s husband is more likely to turn angry if he feels too isolated and is much happier if he feels paid attention to. Another put it this way, “He wants my attention all the time! It’s like taking care of a needy two-year-old, but he’s not nearly as cute!”

Or sometimes a hallucination can turn into a delusion and the caregiver and person with LBD get caught in a pointless conversational loop that can easily escalate and become difficult, if not frightening. For example, the family member may be accused of something (stealing money, having an affair, etc.), and it is difficult to get out of the loop. Just refuting the delusion rarely if ever helps.

Here is one idea to put in your “caregiver’s toolbox.” I’m calling it your “easy team” because it’s fairly easy to arrange and initiate. Have two or three friends or family members as your team. A longtime friend of your loved one, or close family member is best. Alert them that occasionally you may text them and say something like, “could you give Joe a call right now?” Tell them they would just need to have a simple chat with your loved one for a few minutes. Explain how this would distract their friend whose brain is not letting them let go of a fixed idea, or just needs a little friendly attention.

I discovered how easy and helpful this can be one day when my husband got stuck in a delusion toward me and I began to feel harassed. I texted his best friend, “can you give Paul a call right now and just chat for a few minutes?” He called immediately and it broke the spell. At first, my husband complained to his friend about “this woman who won’t cooperate with me” but then was able to just have a casual conversation. When the call ended, he was in a “different place.”

So, choose your “easy team.” Tell them how helpful this will be to you. Have at least two, preferably three, people on board because they may not be available when you need them. Friends and family often feel helpless and yet want to be helpful. Let them know this is a simple way they can be a huge help!